Today, I planned out my day excessively so that I could focus on the things I wanted and needed to do. I think I might have to start plotting it out by the hour instead of just a big itemized list. I have a lot of trouble focusing on the task at hand and I often miscalculate how long it takes me to finish something (or how long something can even hold my attention). Even if I can scratch a few things or all things off my list, it never feels like I accomplish enough on my days off.
Happy almost Valentine’s Day to everyone. I’ve always been pretty ambivalent about the “holiday”, whether I had a significant other or not. You should celebrate love and friendship, no matter what the day, was always how I thought of it. Regardless, the fact that it’s almost Valentine’s Day brings into sharp focus that it’s already February. (And almost my birthday.)
I suppose that since I haven’t been writing in here very often, I haven’t really been sharing my writing plans or ideas with you guys. I’ve been posting about my hobbies here and there, but I haven’t said anything of what I’ve been working on or even if I have been working. I guess it was almost a year ago now that I decided to shelve Something of the Stars. Since then, the wheels have been turning, if at a snail’s pace. (What else is new?)
I floundered for awhile after I let SOTS go and generally felt pretty miserable. Finally, I sat down and decided on the things I didn’t want to do for my next project. I saw my pitfalls in my last project and knew there were things I had to avoid. In March of last year, I had this void in my heart (can I sound anymore morose? Probably if I tried.) that I desperately tried to fill. I was craving something. I’ve had these types of feelings before; I once desperately needed all things Fantasy-related. I wanted to devour high fantasy books, watch dragons, unicorns, and magic flash before me. I wanted to immerse myself in a gritty fantasy world where my actions mattered. (Dragon Age helped that craving.)
This time I was at a loss, because I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I wanted to consume. It fell somewhere on the spectrum of ill-fated romance meets supernatural; romance where there is other shit happening so it cannot be addressed, but it’s there. DOOM. I wanted there to be a goddamned apocalypse on the horizon and gritty desperation.
Somehow, Twilight came to mind. I decided to watch the movies, as a few had come out since I’d seen the first two. That’s when I remembered I didn’t care for Twilight because the characters never worked for me. I’ve always wanted to give a few of them a good smack. (Jacob was okay.) The storytelling was just never there for that universe for me, so I walked away feeling very dissatisfied.
I don’t know what happened, but something hit me. I was moping and pining and then an idea just smacked me in the face. It started out with me just wanting to write about something of a guilty pleasure sort, but within 24 hours, a whole cacophony of ideas appeared out of thin air.
There are things that I’ve always wanted to write about, but never had the chance.
- I want to write something decidedly science fiction. Most of the stuff I write falls between fantasy and science fiction. Never have I attempted something that just feels like sci-fi.
- I want to write about time travel. I find time travel so ridiculously fascinating, but I have a tendency to try to over-explain things. I’ve never written about time travel because I’m afraid I will try to explain every detail of how it works instead of just running with it.
- I want to write about superheroes. This is a desire that I only realised a couple of years ago. There is something about a group of people who could transform, with awesome powers, trying to save the universe… It’s so awesome. This is part of the reason why I liked Power Rangers and Sailor Moon so much.
Masquerade hit all of those topics in one wicked swoop. Finally, I had something completely fresh to be excited about. New characters appeared and I was able to avoid another one of my pitfalls (only one point of view). The world was coming together, even, which is something else I struggle with.
Guess what? I just didn’t write it. I wrote a tiny snippet, right after my initial excitement, but I was so mortified that I stopped. Once again, I decided to give the premise some thought and brainstorm. Once again, I was thinking and writing about writing instead of actually doing it. The end of 2012 was drawing near and I still had Plot out the basics of Masquerade left unchecked on my to-do list for the year. Then, NaNoWriMo happened.
If you read my blog, you know I have mixed feelings about National Novel Writing Month. Every year, I get excited, and every year, I ultimately fail. Well, last year I ultimately failed, but it got me writing. Only a couple of days before November 1st, I decided that everything could go to hell and I was just going to write some stupid crap that I liked. After all, I had some basic outlines of some chapters in my head. I went with it.
Now, those 25000 words are by no means masterful. Considering the first part of SOTS ended up being just over 30000 words, though, I was pleased that when I pushed myself, I could write something. There were ideas popping up and I jumped around, writing chapters later on in the story, just because I felt like it. It was fun. I was having fun writing. I remember writing one chapter, where I literally giggled while I wrote a scene (it was pretty embarrassing) because I was so amused at the characters’ antics. ME. SOMETHING I WROTE. I WAS LAUGHING.
After NaNo, I kind of left it. The holidays demand a lot of my time at work and I moved in early December, so Masquerade went largely untouched. At the beginning of the new year, as the dust settled and I realised some of my initial plans for my life weren’t going to pan out in 2013, I was left with several months of feeling kind of frustrated ahead of me. I have student debt to slay yet and it wouldn’t be til at least the end of May til I pay it off. Between now and then, it was looking like I wouldn’t have much to give me a feeling of accomplishment.
Thus, I decided to actually write something that I wanted to write. I wanted to explore these characters that made me laugh. I wanted to write some epic fight scenes and have them shout at each other at the plot’s apex. I wanted people to die, but not be forgotten. I wanted story mechanics that I wanted to work so much with other ideas to finally work for this one. I wanted to write Masquerade and finish it before the end of May 2013.
Annnd… that’s where I’ve been. I ended up cutting out a bunch of the beginning because it no longer fit, so it’s still only about 30000 words, but I’m trying. There’s still no ultimate end or vague idea for some parts, but I’m still trying. If I keep putting off writing because it’s too late, I’m too tired, I have other things to do… I’ll never actually write anything. One day I want to let someone read something I’ve written to completion. JFC, I want to just write something to completion AT ALL.
Let’s make this work.
When consciousness broke through the haze of slumber, the first thing she felt was sadness. She tasted the residual emotion like a nectar on her tongue: desire. Anna had tried so hard to hang on and to be with her again, but in the end, it was too much and the girl receeded far, deep within them, and there was only Juno.